


Picky

by pippen2112



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - s14 Mercs, Clothing, Con Artists, Gay Bar, Mercenaries, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 03:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14179074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pippen2112/pseuds/pippen2112
Summary: “You and I both know he’s not gonna go for this.  Not for the money they’re willing to front.”“Felix isn’t half as picky as you think.  He just has to be made to see the value in the mission.”“And how do you propose we do that?  You willing to dig into your cut to persuade him?”Locus folds his arms across his chest and repeats himself.  “He will agree to the terms.”Siris snorts.  “You wanna bet?”





	Picky

Siris shakes his head as he and Locus leave the meeting with their newest client. He drops into the driver’s seat with a heavy sigh. “This will never work.”

“It has to work,” Locus replies. He looks less than comfortable in the front seat of the sedan—his shoulders were not meant for compact cars, but he has enough common sense not to sit in the back seat when Felix is otherwise occupied. 

Gritting his teeth at Locus’s contrariness, Siris carefully pulls out of the garage and gets them on the road before continuing. “Sam—”

“Codenames,” Locus says.

 _Ever the broken record._ He ignores the fact that the thought comes out stained with Isaac’s favored sarcasm and continues, “You and I both know he’s not gonna go for this. Not for the money they’re willing to front.”

“Felix isn’t half as picky as you think. He just has to be made to see the value in the mission.”

“And how do you propose we do that? You willing to dig into your cut to persuade him?”

Locus lets out an agitated sound, nearly feral. If Siris didn’t know better, he’d consider throwing him out of the car for a move like that. He folds his arms across his chest and repeats himself. “He will agree to the terms.”

Siris snorts. “You wanna bet?”

Although he doesn’t make a sound, when Siris glances in his periphery, Locus is watching him, his eyes betraying his interest. 

Its enough for Siris to continue. “He says no, then you get to take his place.” When Locus balks, he goes on, “We both know that of the two of us, you’ll blend in better.” He taps he prosthetic leg to drive home the point.

“Fine,” Locus says quietly. “And when he says yes, I get to tell him this endeavor was your idea.”

“Deal.” It’s not like he’s gonna lose anyway.

#

Felix is totally paying attention when Locus and Siris start briefing him on their next assignment. Absolutely, one hundred percent, totally not waiting for the new waitress from his day job to message him back. He is focused on the presentation. Locked on. No way he didn’t spend the last ten minutes sneaking glances at his phone. 

So when Locus abruptly says, “Does everything sound acceptable, Felix?” he opens his mouth with his typical “yeah, yeah, yeah,” response. 

Before he can get the words out, Siris none too gently nudges his foot and grabs his phone out of his hands. “Briefing first, flirting after.”

“Oh, come on, Wu!” Felix shrieks, scrambling for his phone, but Siris has always been eerily fast for an older guy, especially now that he has a little technological advantage. 

“Focus.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “It’s a standard snatch and grab to grab an ID off some geek that usually lives in his lab. Tail him while he pervs around a strip club, lift his tags, and plant a fake. Easy peasy.”

His favorite kind of “easy peasy” if he’s being perfectly honest. Business is always better when mixed with a little pleasure, i.e. why he’d really like his phone back. If he puts in enough groundwork, maybe the new girl will help him knock down the bar’s health code rating one bathroom stall at a time.

“Not just any strip club,” Siris cuts in. “The place down on Acadia.”

Richard’s place? The Nut Hut? Felix shrugs. “Eh, I can dig it.”

Siris looks like part of his brain has melted out his ears while Felix wasn’t looking. “Dig it?”

“I mean, Pickles makes a stronger margarita, but I’m not picky.” He’s really not. Hot is hot in his book; this just means he’ll be appreciating a different set of attributes while he works. He might even get hit on, and getting his ego stroked is never a bad thing. Yeah, trailing a guy at the Nut Hut is very doable.

For a solid thirty seconds, the room is silent. His gaze flits between Siris and Locus, waiting for one of them to start acting like a human being and finish the meeting. Eventually, Locus takes a sharp breath and pushes his bangs out of his face. “Just to clarify,” he says, “you won’t be another patron. The mark is too cautious around crowds. In order to get close enough, you will need to be positioned as talent. We can get you in as a waiter.”

Felix grimaces. He gets enough drink orders shouted at him at his day job. Working these is supposed to be a departure from the normal. But still, its far from the worst way he’s spent a Saturday. But then he notices a glimmer in Locus’s eye. And if he’s not mistake, there’s a pink tinge to Locus’s cheeks and the corners of his mouth aren’t as droopy as normal. Felix sits a little taller in his chair and crosses his arms. “Alright, what’s the catch?”

Before he can blink, a ball of silky black fabric hits him square in the face. He startles as Locus says, “Your uniform.”

Brow wrinkled, Felix starts smoothing out the fabric. Whatever it is, it’s softer than almost anything he owns so it can’t be that—

He holds up the indecently tiny scrap of fabric, his eyes going wide as saucers. A thong. He’s holding a goddamn thong. They expect him to wait tables while wearing a— There’s no fucking way!

Siris shakes his head, shooting Locus a look. “Told you he wouldn’t go for it.”

And just like that, all his doubts fizzle out. Puffing out his chest, Felix stands up abruptly and undoes his belt. He shucks off his pants and boxer briefs without a shade of self-consciousness and pulls on the thong. He adjusts himself so everything lies nice and smooth and strikes a pose, quirking an eyebrow at Locus. “Oh, just try to tell me I won’t pass muster.”

Humming, Locus tilts his head just so and walks around Felix in a slow circle. When he comes back to front, his mouth is tight, but there’s a grin hidden around his eyes. “You’ll need a wax to avoid suspicion.”

Suppressing a shudder, Felix retorts, “It’s coming out of your cut.”

Locus nods. “Very well.”

#

Locus waits until the ID has been lifted and the funds are sitting heavy in their accounts before casually mentioning that the client had been leery about approaching the mark in public until Siris sold him on the plan of posing as bar staff. Then he leans back and enjoys the show as Felix screams himself blue in the face while chasing after Siris.

Partners make life interesting at the very least.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream with me on Tumblr (birdsbeesandlemonadetrees.tumblr.com)


End file.
